At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
