she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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