i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
