i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
