my phone needs a breathalizer
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
