I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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