Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
