Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
