true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
