you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
