I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
