I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
