I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
