i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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