mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
