i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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