I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
