If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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