honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
