You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
