White coat. Heels.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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