So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
pop tarts are not kleenex
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
