is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
