the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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