just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
