I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
