i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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