all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
