my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
