So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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