I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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