I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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