I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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