i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
