life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
