i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
