You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
