i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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