Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
