are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
