I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
