I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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