Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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