i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
