just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
