I can't breathe out the right side of my face
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
