I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
