we made out on top of his cat.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
