I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
