im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
