Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Send help, water and tortillas.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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